My Bs have been stolen!!!
Yesterday afternoon, Jeff and I decided to walk to the
Compton Hill Water Tower. It was open to visitors, and only 198 steps to the top!
Before the trip to the tower, I decided to stop by my car to grab my superstar sunglasses and my athletic tennis shoes. (Sure, the huge clunky tennis shoes I
was wearing make me the queen of style, but will they help me to the top of the tower? Also, no one but me seems to care that the footprints I leave behind while wearing them says "Nose." Does no one else see the coolness in that?!) Anyway, Jeff retrieved the glasses while I rummaged through the trunk for the non-Nose shoes.
Found shoes. Put them on. Closed trunk. Noticed something peculiar...
"AAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!"
Jeff: What happened?!
Me: Someone stole my B!!!
My license plate (like most others) holds three numbers and three letters. The final letter is B. Someone had approached my vulnerable little Nissan during the night and bent the license plate back and forth until the B came off in their hand. I walked to the front of the car to check out the front plate.
Me: Someone stole my front B, too! Why did they steal my Bs?! No one else got their plates busted up! AND, no one else has Bs! Was it a scavenger hunt? Or, better yet, do you think someone on our street is named Bobby? Maybe just Bob! Maybe it's a "spell your name with license plate letters" scavenger hunt thing! If there is a Bob, I bet he broke off my Bs! Bastard!
Jeff: Settle down. I bet whoever did this wanted your April 2004 expiration sticker--not your Bs.
Me: Oh. Yeah. Ok.
So, in order to get free replacement plates, I had to file a police report. The police woman seemed to be more interested in what I do for a living than finding the scoundrel who bent off my Bs.
Policewoman: You work from home? I bet you have little babies!
Me: No. No babies. Just missing Bs. They're blue. Blue Bs. And, that sticker thing, too!
Policewoman: Yeah, but working from home will be nice when you have some little babies!
Me: Find my Bs and drop the babies...
Deep down, I know my Bs will never be found. First of all, there are no witnesses. (I'm still working on my Bob theory, but I won't mention it to the police until I have found the guilty Bob...) Secondly, St. Louis has been known to have the
highest crime rate in the nation. I'm sure the police have more things to worry about than a few blasted Bs...
